Highlights include:
When announcing his vacation, the CEO reassured the team that Bill Gates had his best ideas while on vacation. And in front of 50 people, I pointed out that Gates also likes vacation on Epstein island. On my first day. Best foot forward and all.
A female director confidently corrected my assertion that philanthropy is the love of man. It is in fact when rich people give money to charity.
Despite a team of talented designers working earnestly on a logo, the CEO decided he could do better in just an evening. He then spent 30 minutes on a company call presenting the complex design process that led him to invent the lightning bolt. This included showing us the side by side lightning bolts used for A/B testing (ϟϟ). Given my history on group calls, I left my zoom on mute when shouting seig heil.
On my first day my manager complained to me about the need for a union to counter the authoritarian leadership. Even if I had thoughts on the matter, I wouldn't have had any rights for another 6 months. These 'collaborative cultures' always seem to be made up of individuals that strongly deny ever having been a collaborator (ϟϟ).
So how to improve employee experience? That seems to be the question occupying the brain trust. One company presentation, that was roundly applauded, suggested monitoring employee screen time and, when over the appropriate limit, using a nudge to make them exercise their free will. Repeat after me: we are not technologists, we are philanthropists.
Advice for management
I find it unethical to stifle the innovation of genuine startups by misrepresenting your values, or the true nature of your organization or services, as you do when pitching your 'services' to early stage startups.
It would be unethical to divert talent from the market by misrepresenting your culture, commitment to sustainability or philanthropy.
The 'fake it until you make it' model can work for products or services, it can not work for ethics or values.
It's not unreasonable to assume that a company is dishonest, it is unreasonable to expect an employee to uphold the lies after they've seen behind the curtain. Get an outside agency to do the dirty work.